Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
