i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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