we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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