I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
