I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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