so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
