I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
