i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
as a side note pls kill me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
