Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How naked do you want me to be?
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