I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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