We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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