I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
