Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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