I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
