i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
