btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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