it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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