i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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