so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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