I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
