I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
