Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
