ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
