I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
