im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The power of my boobs compel you
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