just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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