mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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