He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
