Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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