The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
