Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
