I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
