just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
