i barfeds in our rink
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
