I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
