i think my mom watched the whole time
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
