mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
