I wanna bring you to show and tell
Please, let me fuck your mom
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
