I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
