Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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