if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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