once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
