Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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