Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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