My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
