You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
