So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
