Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
