I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
