she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
