Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
