i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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