I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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