You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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