Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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