Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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