I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
