Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
