Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
