Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
