oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can I color on your dick again?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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