i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
