After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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