When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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