You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
